Hanging By a Broken Chain
by Rem-chan
Summary: Breaking a chain of memories has its consequences. Even if it will be repaired, there is a time of darkness, despair, and desolation. Can Sora survive it? Angst, introspection, and KH: CoM spoilers.
1. Part One

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……………

Hanging By a Broken Chain

By

Rem-chan

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Part One

Standing at a Shattered Mirror

::I'm standing on the bridge::

::I'm waiting in the dark::

::I thought that you'd be here by now::

I'm lonely. I don't know where everyone has gone. It's so quiet here. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I can't see anything anymore. It's dark. It's dark…

I can't see.

I can't find my way.

I'm so lonely.

There isn't anywhere to go. Everything is gone. I can't see it. I can't hear it. I can't feel it. Everyone is gone. They're supposed to be here…why aren't they here? Why can't I see them? Did they leave me…?

…why?

__

::There's nothing but the rain::

::No footsteps on the ground::

::I'm listening, but there's no sound::

I'm walking, but I don't know where I'm going. There's something splashing beneath my feet, but I can't see myself in it. The lights are so bright in the darkness…but I can't see by them. They don't shine for me. There are shapes that loom around me, but they aren't meant for me. Nothing is mine. No one is here.

I'm lonely.

Something is watching me.

It's waiting.

It isn't real.

But it's still coming for me.

It's not mine. It isn't me they see. Nothing is real. Nothing is here. I don't see it. But it's there. It's coming.

I'm alone.

__

::Isn't anyone trying to find me?::

::Won't somebody come take me home::

::It's a damn cold night::

They left me. I'm facing it alone because they left me. They're not inside me anymore because they left me. There are only broken pieces inside now. I can't use it if it's broken. I'm drifting…drifting…drifting in a place I don't belong. In a place that I can't see.

It's so dark. The rain is heavy. The clothing that whispers is distant. The hands that move aren't my own. The shapes that gleam don't exist anymore. I have nothing.

I am nothing.

It's broken.

I can't stay this way.

But I can't save myself.

It's coming.

They're coming.

__

::I'm looking for a place::

::I'm searching for a face::

::Is there anybody here I know::

There are so many, even though they are not real. The me that isn't there dances among shadows, brief arias of light streaking through silent air. Darkness is torn, mended, and reborn. So many. So many.

I don't know where to go.

This place belongs to someone else. I'm drifting, and this is the only place where I can stay. But I don't belong here. This isn't me. I'm an echo. A mirror of myself shattered into tiny fragments that I can't piece back together. As long as I'm drifting, I can't leave. I can't see.

I'll still be alone. Until it's no longer broken, there's nothing I can do.

Why did the leave me?

Why can't I see them?

Why can't I remember?

I said something before…

…I lied.

__

::'Cause nothing's going right and::

::Everything's a mess::

::And no one likes to be alone::

Gone, but not forgotten…

I lied.

I've lost it.

I'm broken.

Just because you can't remember something doesn't mean it's gone.

You lied.

Everything's gone. I'm in a place I'm not supposed to be. I'm seeing someone that I'm not. I'm trapped. I'm trapped at the other side of my heart. I can't get out. I can't remember. I'm trapped in a mirror that's broken.

The other side of my heart. Where I am not supposed to be. Where the things I forgot have gone.

Am I forgotten?

I'm going higher and higher. Someone is waiting for me at the top. They don't know it's not me. They don't know this is wrong. The shadows are following. They know. I can't…stop.

__

::Isn't anyone trying to find me?::

::Won't somebody come take me home::

::It's a damn cold night::

We're close now. They're falling towards me. A light sings clear of my hand, reaching them. They smile. But then they see. They see that it isn't me. They're passing me. They see into the broken mirror. They're falling away. I'm going higher.

But they saw.

They know now.

I'm trapped at the other side of my heart.

They're asking…

Who are you?

I don't know.

I can't remember.

It's broken. It's broken, they're gone, I'm alone. I can't see, I can't hear, I can't feel. I'm lonely. I'm lost. I'm afraid. I can't find my way. I can't do anything. There is no way back home.

The way back home was taken apart, piece by piece.

…help me.

__

::It's a damn cold night::

::Trying to figure out this life::

::Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new::

I'm falling now, too. I have to. They're reaching for me. They saw me. They know. They're reaching for me. I have nothing else. Everything is gone. This is all I have. I reach back. I fall. I fall.

We're reaching.

I'll always know where to find you.

I can't remember.

Who am I going to look after if I don't have you?

No one's here. I can't get out.

Even if you take apart the chain of memories in my heart, the links will stay there. This memory will always be inside me somewhere.

I lied.

I just want…to get out. There's nothing else. There's no one to find. I can't remember. My chain is broken. I'm losing it, piece by piece. All I can do is reach. There's nothing left.

I take the hand that's reaching for me.

__

::I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you::

::I'm with you::

::I'm with you::

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Disclaimer: _Kingdom Hearts _is the sole property of Square Enix.

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Lyrics: "I'm With You" – Avril Lavigne

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Note: First of five parts. Takes place as Sora sleeps in the chamber after the end of _Chain of Memories_. Will contain further spoilers and scenarios that will more than likely become AU once KHII is released.


	2. Part Two

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Hanging By a Broken Chain

By

Rem-chan

……………

Part Two

Screaming in a Lonely Place

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::Crawling in my skin::

::These wounds, they will not heal::

::Fear is how I fall::

::Confusing what is real::

He's looking at me. I can only look back at him. Neither of us understands what has happened. I'm not who he remembers me to be. And I don't remember who I am supposed to be. I'm still afraid. I still can't see.

But he can't see, either. He hides his eyes. Like he doesn't want to see.

He remembers.

But he doesn't want to.

We're sitting in a cold room. The walls are dark. The blinds on the windows are hardly open. Tiny daggers of wrong-colored light filter through from outside. I can still hear the rain. I'm shivering. My hair is heavy. It falls into my eyes.

I didn't know that it would be that color. Gold. Tarnished. But not as light as his.

Not gold, but silver.

::There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface::

::Consuming, confusing::

::This lack of self control I fear is never ending::

Who are you?

…I don't know.

He doesn't say anything for a while. I can't stand the silence. I can't stand it. I can't…! There's so much silence inside of me. Blind and deaf. Deaf and blind. I need something to hold onto. I need…

I can't stay this way. Doesn't he know that? I stare back at him. Demanding. Needing. Lost. Why did he save me, if not to tell me what he knows? Why is he keeping it from me?

Why…?

My fists clench.

My breath grows quicker.

Tainted gold flashes in the false light as I look up at him.

**Why?**

__

::Controlling I can't seem::

::To find myself again::

::My walls are closing in::

He doesn't expect it. We fall together onto the hard floor. One of my hands scrambles for purchase. The other is tight around his neck. My face twists with an emotion I can't remember. I don't know if I'm angry. I don't know if I'm sad. I can't feel anything.

I can't remember how to feel.

That is why I have to know. If I can't find the answers, I'll stay trapped here forever. Here at the other side of my broken heart.

What do you know?

…Nothing. I'm no one.

I don't care. What am I?

You're no one, too.

But I…

But you're not supposed to be.

__

::Without a sense of confidence::

::I'm convinced that it's too much pressure to take::

::I've felt this way before::

::So insecure::

I pull back a fist. Maybe I am angry. I don't know anything anymore. I'm helpless. And I'm not supposed to be that way. I'm not supposed to be trapped in this dark place. I don't have anyone to blame. I might be at fault. But I don't know who I am.

Then what?! What am I supposed to be?! **Tell me!!!**

You're supposed to be who you were.

But I can't remember!

No, you can't.

It leaves me, whatever it is that makes me want to hurt him, or myself. I'm tired. I feel the cold again. I slowly get to my feet. He smirks up at me. I can't see what is in his eyes. But not because I've lost everything. He's the one that's hiding. But unlike him, I have nothing to hide behind.

Then what…I'm I supposed to do?

__

::Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me::

::Distracting, reacting::

::Against my will I stand beside my own reflection::

There may be a way back.

I don't help him as he gets to his feet. He wouldn't have wanted it. His gilded hair and shadowed gaze catch the uncertain light from the window. He's familiar. I can see that, at least. A familiar person in an unfamiliar world. I don't know what it means. I can only trust him. He knows who this me is supposed to be. A me with pale skin and sun-colored hair and dark clothing that matches his own.

How?

If you're here, it means you're broken. That doesn't happen by chance.

I knew that already. This was done to me. I didn't need him to tell that. I just didn't want to hear it. I turn away. I watch the rain. I see it without escaping the dark. This place is becoming more real. More real, and so far away from me. I can't stay.

I see my face in the dirty glass.

Is that me?

Dark blue eyes. Tarnished golden hair.

Helplessness.

__

::It's haunting how I can't seem::

::To find myself again::

::My walls are closing in::

Someone has to be looking for you.

I turn back to him. I don't believe him. He can see that on my face. If someone cares enough to find me, they would have stopped this from happening. I wouldn't be in pieces. I wouldn't be locked in a mirror of things forgotten. I would remember who I was. I would remember why I can't stay here. I would remember a reason to keep trying.

…it's not true.

Maybe. But it's the only chance you have.

He leans a shoulder towards the window. A great shape looms in the distance. It was where I fell before. Where he was standing. It flickers in many places. More of those illusionary lights. The rain envelops it in many temporary stars. Everything about it is not real.

The only way out is there.

Why?

The broken pieces fall there.

Then I…need to go back?

Yes. It is the only place where you can be found.

::Without a sense of confidence::

::I'm convinced that it's too much pressure to take::

::I've felt this way before::

::So insecure::

But what if…no one is looking?

It's a risk you have to take. Can you?

Can I? Do I really believe that someone is waiting? Looking? Do I believe? I have nothing to show me the way. The person that believed is lost among the shattered fragments. There is only the one in the mirror. The me that I am not. And he has no one to believe in. He is alone. He is blind. He is helpless.

But I…

…I'm not him. I'm not the one without hope. I have to have that. If I didn't…then I would be the same as the other side of my heart. Even though there's nothing else. Even if I'm screaming with no one to hear. There has to be hope. There has to be. If not, there would only be the cold.

I couldn't survive it.

I would be lost forever.

Alone in the dark.

I will try.

I have to.

I can't let myself disappear.

I'm already almost gone.

__

::Crawling in my skin::

::These wounds, they will not heal::

::Fear is how I fall::

::Confusing, confusing what is real::

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Lyrics: "Crawling" – Linkin Park

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Note: Second of five parts. Additional character design from KHII trailer and magazine articles. Thanks go to the wonderful people at Hearts of Paradise for pointing those and various other things out to me (coughAkaicough).


	3. Part Three

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……………

Hanging By a Broken Chain

By

Rem-chan

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Part Three

Wandering into Nothing's World

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::Do you ever feel like breaking down?::

::Do you ever feel out of place?::

::Like somehow you just don't belong::

::And no one understands you::

The rain has stopped. Puddles show me an unfamiliar reflection. There are many-colored lights around and above me. They make the world unreal. There are things I don't recognize. Nothing is the same. But I haven nothing to compare it to. I'm just as lost as I was before.

But someone is leading me now.

He's confident. He doesn't look to the side. He doesn't look back. The hood hides his gleaming hair. Mine hides my own. We're shadows in a shadowed world. The light catches us but doesn't hold us. No part of this place is held. It's drifting. I have no sense of time.

Look familiar?

No.

It wouldn't.

I don't understand.

You wouldn't.

I can't see his face. But his voice laughs at me. I don't know why. He already knows I can't remember. Maybe it's something else. Maybe he knows I wouldn't understand even if I did remember.

There are people watching us.

__

::Do you ever wanna run away?::

::Do you lock yourself in your room?::

::With the radio turned on up so loud::

::That no one hears you screaming::

I can see their faces. I see them, even when I see nothing else. They're angry. They hurry along but keep staring. They won't look away. Their eyes follow me as I brush by. Their mouths twist as he stops to let them pass. He and I are at the center of their hatred. They won't touch us.

I don't understand.

He said we were no one.

Aren't these people the same?

If not, what does that mean?

It scares me. Even though I can't remember what it feels like, I know it. I'm afraid of their hatred. It burns. It scars. I don't need any more scars. They cover me, even though I can't see them. I don't know why I have them. But they're there. I don't want to be hated.

There's nothing you can do.

But why do they…?

Because we're nobodies.

__

::No you don't know what it's like::

::When nothing feels alright::

::You don't know what it's like to be like me::

They live in this city. But they are less than we are.

But, if we're no one…

We're no one, but they are nothing.

I don't understand. There are so many things that I can't comprehend. Beyond what has happened to me. Beyond the shattering of my heart. Beyond my reversed reflection. This world has no place in my memory. In anyone's memory. Nothing real exists here. Just no one and nothing.

Some pieces are never found. It's put back together without them.

So they…stay here?

Yes. At the other side, where the forgotten things go.

He waves his hand around. His motions are careless. Like none of it matters to him. I can't see his face. But his voice is laughing again. It's hard laughter. Bitter.

All of these things were lost. No one cared enough to remember them.

His words grow sharp.

Only nobodies are real. Because there's another side to our hearts.

__

::To be hurt::

::To feel lost::

::To be left out in the dark::

Am I…?

From the other side? Yes.

Then I know it for certain. I came here because I was broken. I was forgotten. I forgot myself. For just a little time, I forgot myself. But it was enough. I realize something terrible. I look around. Trying to see. Trying not to see. The black walls. The counterfeit light. The fury in dead eyes.

I would have been like them. I would have. I would have been nothing.

Nothing, if not for the other side of my heart. The side that holds the things I forget. If not for him, I would have wandered these streets. I would have hated. Hated terribly. Hated every moment that I continued. Hated no one.

Why did my heart have another side?

He stops. He turns. His hidden eyes gaze back at me.

You of all people should know.

He's angry.

__

::To be kicked::

::When you're down::

::To feel like you've been pushed around::

Maybe I do. But it's gone.

Some of his anger fades. His pale face is composed now. But, for a moment, I was afraid. He was familiar. He still is. But at that moment, I knew his face. That same face has turned in anger towards me before. I can't remember why. I just know it. And I know I don't ever want to see it again. It hurts so much…

Maybe. When you remember, you'll know.

…why?

It's who you are.

His back is to me again. We're walking forward once more. He's silent. I'm silent. Hating eyes tear at us from all sides. I feel them, even though nothing is touch me. It's the nothing that hurts. The fear. I could have been like them. At least I'm like this.

Like this? But I'm not supposed to be. I'm starting to settle here. Here in the broken mirror. I can't do that. I can't let myself get lost any more. Even if no one is looking for me, I can't.

My other self saved me. I can't take away who he is. Even if I am nothing, I won't. Even if I am torn to pieces by hatred's eyes, I never will.

__

::To be on the edge of breaking down::

::And no one's there to save you::

::No you don't know what it's like::

It has to be the center of this world. The buildings stop. The street spreads into a circle. Dead trees stand in rows throughout. A barren fountain looms among them. Broken glass crunches beneath my feet. Cold wind tugs at my clothing. Damp trash brushes against my legs. Silence echoes endlessly. My breaths emerge in clouds.

This is a place that I have never been.

It's whispering against me.

Stroking my skin.

Calling me.

I try to block it out. The world is trying to draw me in. It knows I'm vulnerable. It knows I'm blind to it, deaf to it. It's trying to make me less than no one. I'm so close already. It wants me to be nothing. It wants me forgotten.

But I have already forgotten myself.

What more is there to lose?

There's only one thing I'm holding on to. A hope. My hope. That maybe someone is looking for me. That there is a way back. That I didn't lie. That I meant it when I said I would not be lost.

I can't let it take me away.

__

::Do you wanna be somebody else?::

::Are you sick of feeling so left out?::

::Are you desperate to find something more::

::Before your life is over::

It's telling me that I can stay. It's saying that it's alright to be forgotten. I can stay this way. Even if I'm afraid. If I'm afraid, it will take someone else. It will take the me that I'm replacing. As long as someone becomes nothing, it will be satisfied.

It says there is no hope.

It says it's a lie.

That I don't need anyone to find me.

They were the ones that left me. I said it myself. I was broken. Broken, because of them. Because of the one that's looking for me. If I go back, I could be broken again. Not all of the pieces will be found. If any at all. I will still lose something. There is nothing I can do to stop that. There never was. There never will be.

Why go back? Why, if my heart can never be repaired?

Why, when memories are so easily lost?

It speaks as if it knows.

__

::Are you stuck inside a world you hate?::

::Are you sick of everyone around?::

::With the big fake smiles and stupid lies::

::While deep inside you're bleeding::

I'm walking towards the fountain. I can see the figure atop it now. A jagged form. Twisted in pain. Hands like claws. Arms wrapped tightly around. Back hunched. Naked. Covered in wounds. Long hair ragged and tangled. Torn knees bent against the stone. Head thrown back as if screaming.

It has no face.

I stop beside it. I stare. I can't look away. I just see that there is water. At the very bottom. A thin layer of gleaming black. It's trailing down from the figure. From it's blank face. In the place where eyes should be. Where the corners should be the tears seep. They don't stop.

It has no face.

But I can see my own.

It tells me that I'm like that.

It tells me that I can stop it.

Stop it if I let it consume me. Consume the me that I was. Consume the other side of my heart. The side that is broken.

Should I let it?

__

::No one ever lied straight to your face::

::And no one ever stabbed you in the back::

::You might think I'm happy::

::But I'm not gonna be ok::

I can't remember. Was my other life better? Was I happy? Did I have what I don't here? Was the world dark? Or light? Was everything I did worth doing?

It says no. Nothing was worthwhile. It hurt me. Scarred me. I could see the marks for myself. I'm blind to the world, but I can still see them. I still feel them, when nothing else is there. I know what it is to be hated. What does that mean?

It says if I go back I will be hated again. If I go back, it won't stop. It will cause more scars. More pain. What I have is not worth it. It is better here. At the other side. In the place that only has nothing. Nothing can't hurt me.

The fountain is deep. I see that now.

It's bottomless.

The tears have no end.

They're cold.

It's calling me.

I can go.

__

::Everybody always gave you what you wanted::

::You never had to work it was always there::

::You don't know what it's like::

::What it's like::

I'm starting to fall again. I can't stand. There's nothing to tell me that it's wrong. There's no one around who cares enough to stop me. My memories can't be worth anything. They were taken apart. My heart was broken. I was left to wander in a dark world.

Someone did this to me.

I bear the scars of hatred.

I'm alone in this place.

I'm lost in the dark.

I have no one.

I don't need me.

The cold disappears. Black closes around me. My breathing stops. Shadows fill me eyes. I see more of those figures in stone. So many different shapes. So many people. So many forgotten things. They writhe. They moan. They scream. They weep.

I'm among them.

I can't move.

I stop falling.

The pain comes.

I scream.

__

::To be hurt::

::To feel lost::

::To be left out in the dark::

I tear at my arms. I twist and jerk. My jaw clenches. My eyes roll back. It thrusts with a burning poker. It digs in with a thousand jagged knives. Every part of me is being slit by rusted blades. Wound upon wound. Skin peeled away. Flesh and sinew jerked out of place. Bones bent into gnarled shapes. A heart torn from my chest still beating.

I can't move my legs anymore. My arms have stopped thrashing. Everything still burns. But it is still. I can just see it, despite the pain.

Stone is traveling over my body.

I'm losing this self.

I can't remember my face.

I can't feel it.

There is nothing besides the pain. The pain of hatred. Of despair. Of loneliness and sorrow. Of anger and helplessness. That is all I have. It tells me that that will be all that I will ever have.

I can't hear my screams anymore.

I start to weep black tears.

__

::To be kicked::

::When you're down::

::To feel like you've been pushed around::

A hand comes out of nowhere.

It takes my own.

An impossible strength lifts me free of the shadows.

I break through the surface.

I can move again.

I hit the cold ground. No tears cling to me. I am only cold. I cough and tremble. I huddle there, trying to feel again. He comes over to me. He shakes his hand as if it, too, is cold. Silver hair shifts in the wind and hidden eyes gaze at me.

Don't do that again. I might not feel like saving you a third time.

I struggle to stand. He doesn't help me. I didn't expect him to.

What was that?

Darkness.

But it…spoke to me.

Of course. On the other side, darkness is silent. Here, it has a voice. It calls to us nobodies. It tries to drag us and the other sides of our hearts into its depths.

I shiver at his words.

__

::To be on the edge of breaking down::

::And no one's there to save you::

::No you don't know what it's like::

You can't stay here any longer. You don't know how to survive.

I want to argue. But I don't. I can't remember why it hurts to know I'm helpless. But it does. I lift my hood back into place. It hides my eyes. It hides my weakness. It hides my fractured self. It hides my dependence on him. My envy.

I wish I knew what he was hiding. But I can't know. I can't remain. I have to be free of this place where I don't belong. I can't be forgotten anymore.

If I am, darkness will take me. And, if I didn't have him, there would be no one to save me.

I can't stay alone. Even if they left me. Even if they did this to me. I can't stay alone. I'm afraid to. I can remember fear now. I can remember because I've felt it again. I've felt sorrow again. I've felt hatred. Anger. Loneliness. I've felt them all. They're the only things that fill me now.

He can see this. He smirks.

Now you know what it means to be no one.

__

::Welcome to my life::

::Welcome to my life::

::Welcome to my life::

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Lyrics: "Welcome To My Life" – Simple Plan

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Note: Third of five parts. Longest so far; they'll probably remain this length, or just a little longer. The song was chosen mainly for its lyrics, rather than its sound.


	4. Part Four

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……………

Hanging By a Broken Chain

By

Rem-chan

……………

Part Four

Laughing as the Stars Fall

__

::I walk a lonely road::

::The only one that I have ever known::

I'm unsettled. Darkness that speaks. Hatred that comes from nothing. Guidance from no one. Memories without a place. Everything is overwhelming me. I may not remember where I'm from. But I am not suited for this world. That is all I can tell. Maybe I really am. But I can't feel it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

He's still smirking at me. I don't know what to say. I can only walk beside him. I walk. I walk and know I'm still alone. He said he was no one. How can no one help me? His eyes may be laughing at me. Laughter that I can't see.

You don't understand anything, do you?

I frown. I turn my head towards him. Darker eyes of blue grow faintly angry.

I can't. I don't remember.

That's not what I meant.

His grin grows wider.

You didn't even understand when you had memories.

What are you saying?

__

::Don't know where it goes::

::But it's home and I walk alone::

It's just who you were. You could never understand the other side of things.

I stop. The street around us is empty. The air is heavy. The indistinct clouds hang low. The wind flows around us. He stops. Artificial lights snap with sound. Decrepit shapes hunker in corners. He turns to me. My fists clench. He keeps on smirking.

You may not remember, but I know.

How?

My voice is hard. It has been so harsh. So dark. I can't stand more. I want to fight. I have nothing to fight. I have nothing to fight for. Just this. This, which means nothing. I can't remember it.

Because he understood so much.

He's talking about the other me. The me that I have forced away. He might be angry. He might hate me for what I've done. He might help me only because he wants his companion back. He might hate me as much as the nothing.

You listened to darkness. You didn't recognize it. You lost what was important. You don't know what you still have. You can't comprehend the other side.

I'm starting to hate him, too.

__

::I walk this empty street::

::On the boulevard of broken dreams::

I want to blame him. I want to blame whoever did this to me. But I can't. I won't. It would be easier. It would be simpler. It would numb the pain. But I can't, I won't. Even with just an echo of my heart. Even with just an echo, I can't do it. I can only despair. I can only know the truth.

My anger fades. My hatred dies. I look away. I see the highest tower. We found it without me knowing. Great stairs. Sheer walls. Flickering false light.

Shadows.

Endless.

Writhing.

Searching.

Searching for me.

My body stills. My breath stops. I don't understand. But I'm afraid. He may hate me, but I need to know. I look back. My darker eyes ask the question.

How?

His face is composed. The laughter is still there. But it's different. Hard. Strong. Knowing. Familiar.

After enough time, they're forgotten, too. But they still remember you.

The shadows whisper towards us.

__

::Where the city sleeps::

::And I'm the only one and I walk alone::

I take a step back. I'm so afraid. I can't remember who I am. I can't remember why the darkness wants me. Why the shadows reach with gnarled hands. Why glowing eyes watch me from an ocean of black. I can't remember how to fight them. If I have ever fought them at all.

There was only that time before.

The time when I fell.

When I fought not knowing who I was.

When the other side of my heart was still here.

But now I am alone.

I take another step.

Giving up so easily?

He walks past me. Confident. Strong. Smiling. He walks to the event horizon. He pauses at the edge of the shadows. He holds out a hand. A different kind of light flashes there. Inverted. Darkly brilliant. Long and sharp. Thick and heavy. A black crown glistens. Demon's wings flank his hands.

A weapon. The weapon I threw to him. The one I had when I fell. He holds it as if he has before. Then he glances back at me. Still smiling.

There **is **a way.

__

::My shadow's the only one that walks beside me::

::My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating::

The shadows try to leap past him. Try to reach me. But the black weapon whirls with motion. Heavy chimes sound. Shadows dissolve into smoke and air. He spins and lunges. Twists and jumps. An intricate dance. A deadly game.

He's laughing. Not mocking. Not wrong. Only joyfully. Liberated. As if he is finding something long wanted.

Something held only by the other side of his heart.

Until now. Until I brought it with me.

He yells in exultation. He calls to me.

Come! Come! Remember what it is to fight the darkness!!

The sound of laughter awakens something. The tattered reflection of a memory. Unrealized. But present. Faintly real. Faintly known. But enough to combat the hating shadows.

Brilliance caresses my hand.

I look down.

I shiver.

I see another familiar thing.

__

::Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me::

::Till then I'll walk alone::

It's light. Elegant. Beautiful. Soft and painted. Like watercolor. Like a dawn I can't remember. A flower and a star glimmer faintly. Angel's wings shroud my hand. Thin blades shine brightly. It's familiar.

I have no memory of it.

But it's still familiar.

Shadows have slithered past him. They rush towards me. Silent. Terrible. Hungry. But the light makes them hesitate. They may remember. They may remember even when I do not.

Then I have fought them before.

Fought and won.

I know I have been lost. But I wasn't always. There was a time when I battled darkness. When I knew myself. When I could stand the scars of hatred. When I could refuse the darkness. When I didn't have to know that I didn't understand.

I've been lost. But maybe I can pretend that that isn't so.

My fist tightens around the white weapon. My body tenses. My darker eyes focus. I crouch low. Tainted gold falls into my eyes. My hood bathes my face in shadow.

I'm ready.

__

::I'm walking down the line::

::That divides me somewhere in my mind::

I've danced this dance before. I don't remember it. But it is like many things. It is familiar. I can find the motions again. I can be them. I can't understand them. But I can feel them.

A shadow leaps. I roll beneath it. I twist to my feet. A single strike and the shadow is gone. Delicate bells tingle into darkness.

More come. In pairs, in threes, in droves.

I ready myself.

I wipe away despair.

I wipe away anger.

I wipe away helplessness.

I don't need them to fight.

I only need what is familiar.

A presence leaps to my side. He spins from above. He does not stumble. He only laughs. His voice is like this light. I know it. I know something like it. It's not the same.

But it's enough. Enough for me. Enough for him.

Shall we?

__

::On the border line of the edge::

::And where I walk alone::

We have danced this dance before. He has danced it with the other me. I have danced it with whoever he reminds me of. Yet it is not entirely the same. There is something so different. Something new.

I slash lower. He protects my back. He flings a shadow aside. I finish it as he moves on. He ducks around my side. I twist to follow. Dark and light flash amongst us.

I do no understand the other side of things. The other me does.

He has joy even in darkness. His other side must not.

The other me must not know friendship in shadow. I do.

His other self must doubt in loneliness. He does not.

Though we do not belong in the same place, it is so. We match. We intertwine. We are what are other selves do not have. The absence that makes the world harder to stand. That leads to loss and sorrow.

Neither of us has that as we battle together. As we fight side by side.

That is what is new.

It is not familiar.

But it is good.

__

::Read between the lines of what's::

::F—ked up and everything's alright::

The shadows cannot compare. They can't stand against those who are suited. Those who fight as one. As if they always have. As if they were meant to.

I pull my arm back. I swing forward. The light weapon spins towards the gathered black. It plows through them as lightning does break through the sky. Beside me, he does the same.

Black follows the white. It cleaves as clouds do part the sky. Brilliant shadow and whispering light spin together. They join. They grow. A cascade of inverted twins rise into the sky.

The descend after a pause that is forever. The power tumbles and cracks. It expands and thins. It whirls and dives.

It is wild and tamed. Strong and fragile. Harsh and soft. Dark and light.

It is born of two sides of the heart.

Of what is forgotten.

Of what is remembered.

And of what was never supposed to be, but is.

__

::Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive::

::And I walk alone::

The shadows are gone. We catch the blades at the same moment. We pause. Silence falls again. It is different. It is different, even as this place is still not. Hatred still lingers. Darkness still whispers. Cold wind still blows. But it is different.

There is someone beside me.

Someone familiar and new.

And someone looking for me.

The nature of my loss has changed.

The pieces still ache. The chain is still undone. I am without all that I have ever had. Invisible scars coat me.

But I have changed.

…is this right?

He glances at me as I question what is. His expression is still joyful. There is lightness in him in spite of the dark.

Not at all. But it was something, wasn't it?

__

::I walk alone::

::I walk alone::

::I walk alone::

He holds the dark weapon out to me. He is smiling. I don't understand. But I smile, too. It feels familiar. Unused. But familiar. I take the black blade. For a moment, I carry both. Then they disappear. Though something lingers.

A black crown hanging from my left hand.

A flower that is a star hanging from the right.

He points far above. The clouds are parting. For the first time, I can see the sky.

That is where we need to go.

I see the sky. Dark in night. Indigo. Azure. Onyx.

I see the stars. Faint in distance. Pearl. Silver. White.

But a greater darkness hangs beyond the sky.

And the stars fall in an endless rain.

I know what they are. I fell with them. I did not know it. But still I fell.

Stars that are memory.

Stars that are forgotten.

__

::My shadow's the only one that walks beside me::

::My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating::

But how…?

He smirks again. I amuse him. Constantly, it seems. I am different from what he knows. It is a change for him, too. Something new. New in a world that never alters.

I feel a foolish pride at this.

You did it before. We run.

I stare. I **did **run before. But I don't know how. It was the other me that allowed it. Without him I can't do it. I turn to tell him so. But he has already decided.

A hand locks around my wrist.

Come. I'll show you.

His voice is laughing again. He reaches towards his face. The blindfold rustles clear of his hair. But the wind hides his eyes from me.

I still know those eyes must be laughing.

He begins to run. I can do no other but follow.

__

::Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me::

::Till then I'll walk alone::

My fear is not the same. The first leap is thrilling. Exhilarating. New and strange. My feet land firmly on the wall. I teeter back. But his hand keeps me safe.

He crouches low. The vertical change is almost comical. He shoots forward. His hood flies back. His silver hair flows and dances behind him. I rush to follow.

All I see is his back. His hand around my arm. The fluttering edges of his coat. The great expanse of the tower before us. The flickering lights as we run over them. The startled eyes that had hated us before.

He laughs. It is just as when he fought. Deep. High. Strong. Glad. Young. Free.

I'm jealous. I have none of those things. I can't remember if I ever did. I don't know if I ever will again. It is painful. It is unfair. It strikes deep. Deep into where the aching pieces linger.

But I can't be angry anymore.

I listen.

And then I laugh, too.

__

::I walk this empty street::

::On the boulevard of broken dreams::

My laugh is not the same. It is not familiar. This voice is not my own. My reasons to laugh are different. Different from what they have ever been. The place in which I laugh is dark. The future that I face is uncertain.

But I laugh. And I know it is a laugh from the other side of my heart. The laugh the other me would have had. It would have been his, if he hadn't been born where the forgotten things go.

The one who holds my hand doesn't look back. But his grip tightens. His path grows more true. His distance fades. I know I've given him something he has never had. What no one in this place has ever had.

Both sides of a heart.

We laugh together. We leap across balconies. We pound over the constructed light. We grin at the surprised faces. We relish the wind. The speed. The freedom. The moment that won't last forever.

There is still a reason to be sad.

We both know it. We know it isn't right. That it isn't meant to be. That it will not last. That it will never come again.

And then we are at the top.

__

::Where the city sleeps::

::And I'm the only one and I walk alone::

Glass is slick under our feet. There is nothing beneath it. Only darkness. The weeping stars are above. An abyss is beyond it. Another place of deeper darkness.

This is the place closest to the other side.

His hand leaves mine. He walks forward. I follow. We stand at the center. Intricate patterns twist beneath us. Countless points of light cascade around us. Past us. Into the city. Into the forgotten. Endlessness stretches above.

This I know. This is where I have been. This is where I came from. This is where I must go. This is where everything will be lost again.

This is where it all began.

Where it must end.

And where my memories were taken apart.

I can see her.

__

::My shadow's the only one that walks beside me::

::My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating::

::Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me::

::Till then I'll walk alone!::

****

……………

****

Lyrics: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" – Green Day

****

Note: Fourth of five parts. Song was chosen for both lyrics and feel. While certain parts may not match completely, the overall feeling was what I was aiming for. Also, the lyrics might not be entirely accurate; blame my incompetence.


	5. Part Five

****

……………

Hanging By a Broken Chain

By

Rem-chan

……………

Part Five

Choosing Where the Darkness Dwells

__

::It's down to this::

::I've got to make this life make sense::

::Can anyone do what I've done::

I can see her. I can see her.

But I don't know who she is.

She's waiting beyond the stars. Beyond the sad, sad rain. Forgotten light streaks through a dark sky. A deep abyss echoes beyond them. She's waiting there. Waiting past the abyss. Past the place where memories fall. Where I fell from. Where I can't reach.

It's too far.

It's too dark.

I can't do it.

And I don't know who she is.

Was she the one that led me here? Why would she be looking if she didn't know? If she didn't know that I was broken? Why would she know? Did she…do this? Is she the reason for this pain? This loneliness and despair? Was she the one who took apart the chain of memories in my heart?

Should I really go back if she was? What can she do for me?

I hesitate.

__

::I missed life::

::I missed the colors of the world::

::Can anyone go where I am::

He turns to look at me. The wind pushes his hair into his eyes. But he's not hiding anymore. If I wanted, I could find his eyes. Just as I could find my way home. But I…

…I don't want to.

Why are you waiting? She's looking for you.

…I can't go back.

Why?

He's not angry. I'm surprised. He knows my presence here is wrong. He knows that I've taken the place of the one he remembers. Both sides of my heart exist in one place now. Both sides, even if one is broken. That's wrong. He knows it's wrong. But he's not angry. I know he can't be. Not after what he found.

She hurt me.

You know this?

Yes.

Then do you want to stay?

I pause. He asks it like it means nothing. Like he doesn't care. But maybe his eyes do care. I glance at him.

The wind changes.

__

::'Cause now again I've found myself::

::So far down, away from the sun::

::That shines into the darkest place::

I remember the sea. His eyes are the color of the sea. Darker. But still the same. Just as my eyes are the color of the sky. The sky, but darker. Darker because of the shadows of this place. Because things forgotten can't exist in light. The other sides of hearts can't exist in light.

…yes. I don't want to remember.

If you don't, he will remember for you. There can't be both.

What will happen?

He pauses. His expression shifts. For the first time, there is gravity. Seriousness. As if it does matter. As if he cares. Cares what happens to me. To the world. To the person who was supposed to be here with him. What could he want? What would he desire?

Everything will change. You will remember. But you won't be you.

Will I be him?

His eyes narrow.

No. You always stay who you are. But you will be reborn. Here, at the other side of the abyss.

I shiver. I watch the darkness.

But will I stay here?

__

::I'm so far down, away from the sun again::

::Away from the sun again::

Maybe. Maybe not. But you will still be remade at the other side of your heart.

To never be the same. To never be completely who I was. I would still be me. But not as I was made to be before I was broken. A mirror restored is never entirely the same. I would be something of this place. A memory of me that never was. An identity forgotten from the start. I would be no one, because none would have known me. They would think they did. But it would be a lie.

Do I want that?

Do I want to reconstruct myself in this dark place?

Do I want her to help me?

Do I want to remember why my heart was broken?

Will it be worth reaching across the abyss for what used to be in the mirror?

I can't know. I can't remember. I can't be sure. Not when I don't know what I'm fighting for. Do I stay? Do I go? Will I change?

You will change no matter what you choose.

I turn to look at him.

Why?

No one can be forgotten and stay the same.

__

::I'm over this::

::I'm tired of living in the dark::

::Can anyone see me down here::

What do you mean?

But I don't hear his answer. Someone is reaching for me. Someone new. Someone old. Someone who was looking for me. She reaches out, seeing me at last. I turn back to the abyss. I look past the falling stars. Past the forgotten memories. Into darkness.

_Sora!_

What?

_Sora!_

Who are you?

_Sora!_

Why are you looking for me?

She's falling towards us. Falling like a star. But her light is brighter. More real. Unforgotten. I can see her eyes. Blue. Like the sky. But darker. Golden hair. Like the sun. But faint.

I realize something. I watch her. I meet her gaze. I know mine is the same.

I ask.

Were you ever forgotten?

Her expression changes. I ask.

Do you have another side to your heart?

__

::The feeling's gone::

::There's nothing left to lift me up::

::Back into the world I've known::

She smiles. It's so sad. I feel it in my heart. The same sorrow. The same despair. The same helplessness. The same hope. The hope that maybe…someone is looking for me. My anger is fading.

_I'm always forgotten._

I know she did this to me. I know. I don't need to remember to know. She took apart the chain of memories in my heart. She let the pieces fall. She lost me to the other side of the mirror. But she looked for me. She looked for me. And, to do so, she had to be forgotten.

No one should have to make that sacrifice for me.

It isn't fair.

It isn't right.

And I will never be who I was. I will be changed. No matter what she does.

I take a step back. I lower my head. My hood hides my face. Tainted gold hides my eyes. Hides the darker sky.

It's not worth it. Don't come for me. It's not worth it.

A hand rests on my shoulder. I hear the voice that no longer laughs.

You have to make a choice.

__

::'Cause now again I've found myself::

::So far down, away from the sun::

::That shines into the darkest place::

I watch the girl. But I listen to him. I know his darker eyes watch, too. The wind is growing stronger. The city is fading into darkness. The stars are drifting far away. My reality is bending again. I can feel the pieces of my heart.

Sharp. Cold. Scattered. Lonely.

Waiting.

Waiting for me. Waiting for my choice. I only have so much time.

I'm hanging by a broken chain.

Stay.

Go.

Be changed.

My eyes squeeze shut. I feel the black tears again. I tremble. I hesitate in the dark. My voice is whispering.

But…I need a reason.

So much silence.

I need a reason to decide.

How can I tell them? How can they understand? He is how he is supposed to be. She accepts being forgotten. But I am no one and nothing. I am neither and both. I have no reason to fight. I can't remember why. I need a reason. I need it to find my way.

I can't choose.

__

::I'm so far down, away from the sun::

__

::That shines the life away from me::

Fingers brush my cheek. I'm surprised. I look up. I meet dark eyes. She is filled with light. It is faint. Misty. Hardly real. But there. It might not be bright enough. But it's there. She smiles. It's familiar. Just like his face. Like the color of the sea. The color of the sky. The sound of a laughing voice.

Familiar.

_You have a reason._

His hand leaves my shoulder. He goes to stand beside her. Together they watch me. More familiar still. Like I have seen them before. I can't remember. But I know two have stood like that before. Told me that everything was okay. That there was a way.

You always did.

He points to the tiny fragments in my hands. The ones I used to battle the shadows. In my left is a dark light. Black. Harsh. Stained. But caring. In my right is a bright star. White. Soft. Fragile. But strong. I don't remember where I found them. But I know they've always been with me.

Are these…my reasons?

_Yes._

Yes.

But who are they?

__

::To find my way back into the arms::

__

::That care about the ones like me::

::I'm so far down, away from the sun again::

They are the other sides of our hearts.

I knew. Even though I didn't realize. I still knew. Just as there was another side of my heart, my reasons have one, too. Whoever they are. Wherever they are. We're still connected. We still have places where our lost memories go.

We're different. Different from those who are nothing. It is why I'm here. Why I became no one. Why I didn't fade into nothing. Why they remained with me.

The memories stayed. I can't remember them. But they stayed.

…I didn't lie.

She didn't lie.

I just…got lost.

And now there is a way back. Reasons. Light and dark. Colors of the sea and sky. The sound of laughter. The sun.

Home.

But there are reasons to stay. They're standing right in front of me.

I still have to decide.

__

::It's down to this::

::I've got to make this life make sense::

::And now I can't do what I've done::

But what about…you?

They don't answer. He only smirks. He seems amused. But now I know better. She looks away. She tries to hide it. But I know she's sad. They are both part of what is forgotten. I am supposed to be part of what is remembered. But they still helped me. Despite my distance from them. They still cared.

I can't let them do this.

I can't leave them.

I can't forget.

Not when they've always been forgotten.

I set my eyes. I don't feel the despair. I start to hide the light and dark. I have them. But I still can't remember them. All I see are the memories I just made. Memories from the other side of my heart. Memories of forgetting. I don't want to lose them. I don't.

I'm going to stay.

The city is starting to return.

I don't want to forget you.

The stars are falling again.

I'll stay.

I'm changing.

__

::And now again I've found myself::

::So far down, away from the sun::

She smiles. I see tears. They are like the stars. He shakes his head. I see a laugh in sea-colored eyes. He knows better.

It's your choice. But remember first before you decide.

I'm surprised. Confused. The city wavers. It's on the brink.

…I can't.

That what she's here for. She can help you remember. Then you can choose.

She offers a hand to me. There is a moment of time. Everything is still. The world is dark. My heart trembles. I open my eyes.

I take her hand.

And I start to see again.

__

::That shines the life away from me::

__

::'Cause now again I've found myself::

The sun. The sea. The laughter. The smiles.

Home.

The dark. The offer. The betrayal. The loss.

Separation.

The city. The friend. The unity. The kindness.

Understanding.

The hatred. The dark. The silence. The change.

Sacrifice.

I can see it. I can see everything. The pieces are drifting back together again. The city is gone. I'm in the abyss. I'm in the darkest place. I'm in the place that makes memories forgotten. I'm where I fell through. Where I was sleeping. Where I must sleep again if I go back. If I stay, I have to fall again. I have to choose.

I have them all before me.

And I have to choose.

__

::So far down, away from the sun::

::That shines into the darkest place::

Home is who I am. Home is loss. Here is who I've become. Here is pain. There are hidden eyes that laugh with me. There is a gentle smile that takes care of me. There is a lost friend that I forgave. There is a gaze the color of the sky that is not dark.

There is something I must do.

There is a promise I must keep.

There is a world that needs me.

There are those that I can't be without.

She smiles. She holds me close. He holds us both aloft. He points us in the right direction. He points me toward home.

_Don't worry, Sora. You can never completely forget us. And we will always remember you._

I believe her. I believe. I couldn't remember those closest to me. But I hadn't lost them. They had stayed with me. Amongst the broken pieces of my heart. They had stayed. And he would. She would. Even if I forget. They would stay, too.

I can decide.

I can go home.

And I can forget.

But I will never be without them.

__

::I'm so far down, away from the sun::

__

::That shines the life away from me::

I know what happened.

"…fading memories…"

I know where I went.

"…reconstructed memories…"

I know what I lost. But I know what I gained. I know what I will never lose again.

"…and a dream—"

I went to a place where I wasn't supposed to be. I met those who are always forgotten. I can't remember their faces. But they know mine. They know me even though they never should have. I can't remember what they did for me. I can't remember why I know they are my friends. I can't find my way back to them as I sleep in this endless abyss.

"—a dream of you in a world without you."

But they're with me.

__

::To find my way back into the arms::

__

::That care about the ones like me::

::I'm so far down, away from the sun again::

****

………Fin………

****

Lyrics: "Away from the Sun" – 3 Doors Down

****

Note: Last of five parts. What was this? A sequel? A prequel? Who knows? I'm not even sure myself. This was a more 'what if…' kind of thing; mainly inspired by KHII information, pictures, trailers, Deep Dive, and the words at the end of KH: CoM. Also brought about by the trouble I've been having completing _Court of Souls_. Perhaps after doing something this different I'll be able to finish.

In any case, this is also definitely AU, since it is quite obvious that the things I have presented in this fiction do not adhere to information revealed in KH: CoM. However, I'm very pleased with how this came out, especially since I haven't done an introspective first person in…jeez, something like three or four years. I'm glad I was able to pick it up again. This scenario, while impossible in the game world now, was something I had hanging in the back of my mind, so it was nice to get it written.

Anyway, thank you to everyone who read this, and remember: forgotten, but never lost.

Farewell!

Rem-chan, 10th of January, 2005


End file.
